SPICY MAYO

Before I begin, let me describe for you a common dialogue I’ve encountered quite often recently.
“hello there”
“hey, how’s it going”
“what can I get for you”
“well I was thinking of having an old fashioned”
“old fashioned, for sure, that’s a great cocktail”
“do you know how to make it?”

Okay so this little event probably occurs a hundred times per day all over the globe. Man or woman enters a bar, they sit, bartender says hello while offering service. Customer then proceeds to order “the” cocktail. Now when I say “the” I mean “the” as in an old fashioned is by far the most respected and talked about cocktail out there. Not to say it’s the most commonly known or ordered but it certainly is the most respected. What gets me with this drink of such sublime intrigue is how so many variations have been brought about that generally most customers doubt the abilities of their current bartenders. This I find supremely fascinating in it’s scope of public perception. Think about it, when we enter a bar or restaurant naturally we assume our servers, bartenders and kitchen staff have the knowledge and skills to do their respective jobs well. When I order French fries for example I’m assuming that I’ll get French fries, I’m not thinking “can they make these”? “Do they know how to make them”? No, it never enters my psyche. Will my french fries differ from establishment to establishment? Sure, but by and large I accept this and know that the basic concept will be the same. Thinly cut potatoes deep fried twice, hot and crispy. Served usually salted and with some sort of side. I know this and so do you.

Now then, here’s my question. Why so little trust for the old fashioned? It boggles my mind how much distrust and reluctance is shown towards myriad bartenders everywhere. Are we messing this drink up that much? What this reminds me of is a great Jerry Seinfeld stand up moment where he states that we as a society need to have one stable and constant “Wait! Stop! Do you know what you’re doing here” item to question about. During his tirade Mr. Seinfeld goes off on how we generally will disobey every rule possible if allowed, yet stop short when it comes to the phrase “dry clean only” as we’ll never take the wrong path here. It’s as if we’re saying “hey go ahead make that cosmo, I could care less if you use lemon juice or lime juice so long as it looks red I’ll drink it. However, don’t you dare make my old fashioned with soda”.

Seriously are we this neurotic towards a cocktail, let alone one with the word “old” in it’s name? Ladies! Gentlemen! I implore you to help me out here for I’m at a loss as to this bizarre calamity. I’ve tried to rack my head around this one and well here’s my best assumption. An old fashioned cocktail for us as consumers and bar patrons represents our last purely strong and original moment where everything at one time made sense. It reminds us of our past, our grandpas, warm summer nights, firelight, men in suits, cigars and a class of superiority. And with that we’ve deemed an old fashioned our staple of how things were and how they should remain same. We use an old fashioned as our standard, that we can change anything but this one; it’s a staple, a classic like Marlon Brando and James Deen. It exists in our consiousness a certain way and it’ll never change. And with that I and thousands of other bartenders around the world will continue to feel the pressure to deliver the goods with this classic cocktail.

I for one am prepared, are you?

Later.

Ps. Here’s how I make mine.

Begin with a rocks glass
1 sugar cube
1 orange peel
a couple dashes of bitters
mash and muddle until the sugar coats the entire glass

then fill glass with ice
add 2oz bourbon
add splash of water
add another orange peel
stir and garnish with a cherry

yum!!!